December 10, 2010

reason to love

Once a lady when having a conversation with her man, asked:

Lady: Why do you like me? Why do you love me?

Man: I can't tell the reason, but I really like you.

Lady: You can't even tell me the reason? how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Man: I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's husband can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man: Ok. ok! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movement.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man's answer.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma.

The man then placed a letter by her side, here is the content:

Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you...Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you...Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, There is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO! Therefore, I still LOVE YOU...

"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'

'Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays...'

November 11, 2010

a lot of damage had been done,
and to make it worst,
the sense of urgency,
to change,
somehow, did not appear,
that makes me feel 'innocent',
doing these things that i would,
condemn so much,
if other people were doing it.

but i believe,
GOD wont put you any burden, if you cant withstand the load.

and i believe,
when my goals are starting to appear clearer,
the intense thoughts about you, will fade away,
i hope it's for the better ..
soon, my goals will take over my mind ..
and i will let it take control of my body ...
so that i can take control of my life ..

god bless :)

October 17, 2010

Adorable Adiff

' when i was younger,
i saw my daddy cry,
and curse at the wind,
he broke his own heart,
and i watched,
as he tried to reassemble it,
and my momma swore that
she would never let herself forget,
and that was the day i promised,
i'd never sing of love ,
if it does not exist..'

do you remember this song adiff?
the song i sang close to your ears each night?
you make me miss you even more..
i wont trade you for anything else in this world..
and that's for sure..

PS : i'm not sure whether this is a good song to be played to babies..
but, maybe you cant talk, but i heard your saying in your smile ..
adiff. The feeling of being an uncle, somehow, makes me mature..
of course in some ways.. :)

October 5, 2010

Damage Is Done

The damage is done..
I need a lot of time,
to recover,
to be better,
to progress,
to begin the journey of transformation,
challenges are always there,
waiting for you,
to give you experiences,
to give you knowledges,
to let you decide,
who do you want to be,
allow them to shape you,
don't run from them,
but embrace them wholeheartedly,
with strong faith and believe,
that you'll succeed.

the future doesn't hold any promises,
and the past ain't important,
what matters the most,
is now..
live this moment,
keep that in mind,

this is what i want to see..
from you, faris .

regret no more, please ;/

October 3, 2010

' after all the hard work and efforts,
i conceded defeat and accept the fact that
she's entirely yours.'

enough said.

September 28, 2010

Allah The Almighty

I do not know how these feelings work.

'but i do feel secured, to know that, the ONE, that creates me to this world, would always be with me all the time. In times of intense depression, as well as great happiness, HE would always assist me with what ever i am doing. When the situation comes to worst, when all the luck go against you, when nobody could come to help, when only miracles would change, you can always go and seek help from HIM. HE will always be there, to help you, HIS greatest creation. Don't you feel you are constantly secured by this one immense superpower?'

I must be grateful, to be born as a human, living in a system, where I have a GOD to worship. To trust in. I can't live on this world alone. Without you. I am lifeless.

Trust in HIM.
HE knows , what you don't .

' Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only GOD can count the apples in a seed.'

September 25, 2010

Fail to Plan = Plan to Fail

sometimes i think, i have to change the description of this blog,
from ' justifying complexity of humanity'
to ' justifying complexity of me !'

As i have anticipated, it's been 3 months, here in college,
and i am not enjoying my life here..
two things initially crossed my mind during the first time i received the offer letter,
1) will i be able to create the 'artificial passion' in medicine by deceiving my mind?
2) could this be a start to an endless pain and form the seed of a devastating mind-torturing life?

i gambled and took the risk..
and again, i have to admit, the second one does occur, right now.

i have been asking people...
why do you want to be a doctor?
what creates your passion?
do you know how hard the job as a doctor is?

most answered this ' i want to help people..'

when asked about their plans....
what do you want to do next?
what is your highest target in the field of medicine?
what impact do you want to bring to the society?
to the world?

most answered ' err..i dont know, but somehow, later, i'll know'

trust me, you wont go anywhere...
i know i am nothing, nothing i have to tell their future..
but, i know, you wont go anywhere, if that's only your plans...
if mediocrity is what you want, then that might be enough..

' stay away from people who keeps complaining and lamenting, for their disease is contagious'

i am not lamenting, but i just want to have a proper plan, a definite one so that i can formulate my whole structure of pursuing my goals..

okay, i am not living up my dreams..and that's the root of all these problems..

now, at least for now, the fuel for me to move forward is..

1) i must believe that i am on my way to be one of the dwellers of paradise for i am restlessly studying , equip myself with sufficient knowledge which in turns will be used to help, cure, assist and treat people - i know this sound weird, but hey, if you can set target to go to UK, why cant you set target to go to heaven?

2) i must admit, killing my passion, my interest in engineering is nothing but a useless endeavor.
so, my plan is, i will prioritize in medicine, but at the same time, i will study about engineering whenever i have a chance. i know, as a future medical student, i will not have time to study anything else other than medical stuffs-but screw it, i believe in my mind, i believe in myself. I want to optimize the usage of my brain.

3) to love both, medicine and engineering, i must have a very big capacity of mind, to save billions of data and ability to control my self, in every single aspect of life, time management, stress handling and other things as well- so, i have made Ibnu Sina and Leonardo Da Vinci as my idols which i have to follow, they showed exceptional courage and determination in gaining knowledge.They are geniuses too !

4) i want to be a billionaire and set a company, build an empire of business, exporting and importing my own products, and let my children run the company when im old-uhh-..thinking of this makes me smiling XD- screw everything !! i cant get all these by practising medicine. okay, i'll venture into business through my involvement in research and development sector, which later, i'll produce a revolutionary breakthrough which can be marketed around the globe.

5) JIHAD- i was made to understand that JIHAD is not only by holding weapons and terrorize the innocents, but holding a pen to write about knowledge that we have gained is also a form of jihad. Big rewards to those who aspire to do this.

6) again, in regard to the matter of accumulating wealth, ( i really want to be rich one day- amen)
by admitting the fact that, a doctor wouldnt have time to care about their business ( setting up clinics is so boring !! plus the introduction of 1malaysia clinics saturates the market) i will somehow, find some time to go to places to invest in property, buying land and houses ( as advised by my father) i will also learn about investing in companies, become a broker, and keep myself updated about economy.

huh, i have a lot more to write, enough till here i guess...
i know, these are all just a planning, nothing unless it's translated into a form of observable result.

'easier said than done, faris..'
'action speaks louder than sound, faris..' - i know, you dont have to tell me this..:(

but i always hold the principle somewhere i learned in chess games.
' it is always better to have a bad plan rather than not having any plan at all'

inshahAllah, i believe GOD is with me in this journey,
He will definitely help.

god bless..

September 13, 2010

Dear Doctor

Dear DR.Q ,

You are the reason why i choose to practice medicine...
I could have chosen engineering course over medicine..
which is of my total interest,
to be my career,
but my astonishment and amazements towards you,
that made me changed my mind..
At times, i suffer..
but you give me the motivation..
and strength..
to move forward..
although that's just in my imagination..
One day.
I promise..
i will be wearing that white coat..
taking care of the patients.
delivering aids...
and everything...
that you did to me..
once i was lying there..
when it was the first time i met you...
you changed my life DR.

ps : to forget you is to forget myself..

September 6, 2010

Respectful Respond

' people who want figuratively to bite you, growl at you, pick on you and otherwise chop you down, are not rare. If you are not prepared for people like that, they can punch big holes in your confidence and make you feel completely defeated. You need a defense against the adult bully, the fellow who likes to throw his weight around.

This is one of the most excellent example of handling emotions....

' It was shortly after 5 p.m and the hotel was busy registering new guests.
The fellow ahead of me gave his name to the clerk in a commanding way.
The clerk said,
'Yes, sir, we have a single for you..'
' Single ?!' shouted the fellow, ' I ordered a double !. '
The clerk said very politely,
'Let me check, sir '.
He pulled the guest's reservation request from the file and said ,
' I'm sorry, sir. Your telegram specified a single. I'd be happy to put you in double room sir, if we had any available. But we simple have not.'
The irate guest said, 'I don't care what the h--- that piece of paper says. I want a double !'
Then he started in with ' do-you-know-who-i-am?' performance, followed with
'I'll have you fired. You'll see. I'll have you fired.'
As best he could under the verbal tornado, the young clerk interjected.
'Sir, we're terribly sorry, but we acted on your instructions'
Finally, the customer, really furious now, said,
' I wouldn't stay in the best suite in this hotel now that I know how badly it is managed,'
and stormed out..
I stepped up to the desk, thinking the clerk, who had taken one of the worst rebuffs I had seen for some time, would be upset. Instead, he greeted me with a pleasant ' Good evening, sir'
As he went through the routine of arranging my room, I said to him,
' I admire the way you handled yourself a moment ago. You have tremendous control over your temper.'
' Well, sir,' he said.
' I really can't get mad at that fellow like that. You see, he really isn't mad at me. I was just the scapegoat. The poor fellow may be in bad trouble with his wife, or his business may be off, or maybe he feels inferior, and this was his golden chance to get something out of his system.'
The clerk added, ' Underneath he's probably a very nice guy. Most folks are.'
walking towards the lift. I caught myself repeating aloud,

'Underneath he's probably a very nice guy. Most folks are...'

Remember those two short sentences next time someone declares war on you. Hold your fire. The way to win is to let other blow his top, and then forget it..'

taken from 'The Magic Of Thinking Big'

huh, that isn't hard isn't it?

god bless

Loath to Love


i have been undergoing a very meaningful life...
since i know you...
you add something in my life...
that i didn't realize i have lost it..
until i met you...
you introduced me to love...
get me to know about it...
and honestly, i didn't regret any single second..
i spent with you...
each and every a day of mystery..
for me to explore new things..
about you...
now i know...
what others have been saying...
about the magical and magnificent..
power of love...
which i strongly being skeptical about it in the past..
you taught me about this..
although i tried to hold my principle.
but i have to admit..that this time...
i failed...

Love is great...nothing can compare...

it also brings misery and pain..
you also taught me about this...
something that i overlooked..
as i was swayed away by you...
and now i realize...
i shouldn't be like this...
i cant continue this way..
this is just not me..

the time has come for me..
to get out from this enticing dream..
and go back to my old world...
my old place...
a place only for people like me..
maybe some time in the future...
i will regret and eat my words back...
and become a firm believer of love..
but the truth is..
now is not the time..
i am still waiting for the time...

i just want you to know that..
i have feelings for you...
and i like you...
and ...
i love you , my friend...

thank you my friend..
i have done everything i could..
as a sign to thank you...
and i think, i have done it enough....

PS : i think i would have betrayed to my parents, if i ever say 'i love you' in front of you..
although i really want to do it..and almost did it..
Luckily, it didn't happen...
and i hope...
it will never happen...

August 26, 2010

Judging Justice

For quite a while, I have been thinking of this.

' We humans must admit that in every way of evaluating, we are different,
different in many terms, in which what ever way we are looking at it, we
will find the difference which leads to some degree of inequality...'

yet, at the same time, we must admit that GOD is fair and the best judge of all...
i know, im not supposed to think of this, as if im questioning something beyond my mind's limit,
but being appreciative towards the creation of the mind, drives me to ponder..

now, is that still wrong?

yeah, it has been a very long time...

and im still on the search....

My recent visit to Pusat Pemulihan Dalam Komuniti Telok Datok (PDK) seems to be giving me the clues to the answer i have been longing for..

This centre acts as place for the disabled , kids with special needs , where they receive temporary treatment and care.
Autistic, hyper-active, slow learner, cerebral pulsy, down-syndrome -(just to name a few) kids- are receiving treatment there..

looking at them, my mind started to think, why were they born like this?
why do they have to live like this, for their entire life?
what message is HE trying to convey?

WE believe that as humans who occupy this earth, who walk on the same soil, who are given a great mind, that become the differentiating factor between animals, are given the honour to lead this earth, to become the KHALIFAH to this land...
but how would they carry the responsibility to the full when they need to be taken care of?
arent they humans too?

easy enough : they are the chosen ones..

they are created to be like this simply because they can ACCEPT this, GOD recognizes these people as the ones who are able to CARRY the task, to show to people out there, that anything could happen to them, to take lesson from this and repent .
that's why it is very unusual to hear news about people with disabilities commit suicide because they cant stand the pressure ...they kill themselves because they cant accept the fact that they are abnormal....- i hardly heard of this
do they regret being born like that? i dont think so..
undeniably, they deserve to be respected..

for ordinary people might have commited suicide as they have lost the chance to feel the pleasure of what the world can offer...we buy products to beautify ourselves, even the slightest advantage of others would to some people, lead to jealousy....competing for perfection..
why dont take a liitle time, to look at them..without prejudice..
and make simple reflection to yourself..
you will find what i mean..

when thinking about this, the best thing to do is..

we are only the guests of this house, do not question why the tables and chairs are like this or like that..

only the owner knows the best..

god bless..

August 20, 2010

An Old Oath

' hah result..' while giving him the slip...
stared for a moment.....without uttering...
'abah happy tak nih...' - 'happy..sangat happy..'

I could still remember these words that came out from his mouth...

' jap.ayeh nak pergi surau kejap...'

went to the surau, met few friends, gave little bit words of support to them who felt dejected with their results..

received a phone call from eldest sister -Diana- who was in UAE at that time - 'wondered how quick the news spread ! '

best queries from her- 'ayeh nak apa..??' - huh if only you could ask that!

performed sujud syukur and read yassin..

now this was when the oath began..

' Oh, Allah, No words could describe how much i am grateful to you..for this result is really something seemed no where near possible..i am greatly indebted for your mercy when i needed that the most..and have answered my prayers..i could not thank you much.. Oh, would i return your kindness.?? As i myself could not help myself much...nothing but a weak slaver of yours..??'

only two things i possibly could promise....

1. 30 days of fasting - am still finishing
2. continuos and endless practise of islamic values..keeping unshakeable faith in this till the end of time..

i have to admit..i am still trying to achieve this..

Since i have made this public, i could not escape from delivering what i have vowed to do..or else...munafiq is my second name..-i could see that name is developing...

and that's the reason why i put this as the name of my blog..
am trying to improve my english..
am sorry if i seem to be proud of myself..
and i want nothing but a change towards betterment..

InshahAllah..for every difficulties..there's relief...

god bless ..