from ' justifying complexity of humanity'
to ' justifying complexity of me !'
As i have anticipated, it's been 3 months, here in college,
and i am not enjoying my life here..
two things initially crossed my mind during the first time i received the offer letter,
1) will i be able to create the 'artificial passion' in medicine by deceiving my mind?
2) could this be a start to an endless pain and form the seed of a devastating mind-torturing life?
i gambled and took the risk..
and again, i have to admit, the second one does occur, right now.
i have been asking people...
why do you want to be a doctor?
what creates your passion?
do you know how hard the job as a doctor is?
most answered this ' i want to help people..'
when asked about their plans....
what do you want to do next?
what is your highest target in the field of medicine?
what impact do you want to bring to the society?
to the world?
most answered ' err..i dont know, but somehow, later, i'll know'
trust me, you wont go anywhere...
i know i am nothing, nothing i have to tell their future..
but, i know, you wont go anywhere, if that's only your plans...
if mediocrity is what you want, then that might be enough..
' stay away from people who keeps complaining and lamenting, for their disease is contagious'
i am not lamenting, but i just want to have a proper plan, a definite one so that i can formulate my whole structure of pursuing my goals..
okay, i am not living up my dreams..and that's the root of all these problems..
now, at least for now, the fuel for me to move forward is..
1) i must believe that i am on my way to be one of the dwellers of paradise for i am restlessly studying , equip myself with sufficient knowledge which in turns will be used to help, cure, assist and treat people - i know this sound weird, but hey, if you can set target to go to UK, why cant you set target to go to heaven?
2) i must admit, killing my passion, my interest in engineering is nothing but a useless endeavor.
so, my plan is, i will prioritize in medicine, but at the same time, i will study about engineering whenever i have a chance. i know, as a future medical student, i will not have time to study anything else other than medical stuffs-but screw it, i believe in my mind, i believe in myself. I want to optimize the usage of my brain.
3) to love both, medicine and engineering, i must have a very big capacity of mind, to save billions of data and ability to control my self, in every single aspect of life, time management, stress handling and other things as well- so, i have made Ibnu Sina and Leonardo Da Vinci as my idols which i have to follow, they showed exceptional courage and determination in gaining knowledge.They are geniuses too !
4) i want to be a billionaire and set a company, build an empire of business, exporting and importing my own products, and let my children run the company when im old-uhh-..thinking of this makes me smiling XD- screw everything !! i cant get all these by practising medicine. okay, i'll venture into business through my involvement in research and development sector, which later, i'll produce a revolutionary breakthrough which can be marketed around the globe.
5) JIHAD- i was made to understand that JIHAD is not only by holding weapons and terrorize the innocents, but holding a pen to write about knowledge that we have gained is also a form of jihad. Big rewards to those who aspire to do this.
6) again, in regard to the matter of accumulating wealth, ( i really want to be rich one day- amen)
by admitting the fact that, a doctor wouldnt have time to care about their business ( setting up clinics is so boring !! plus the introduction of 1malaysia clinics saturates the market) i will somehow, find some time to go to places to invest in property, buying land and houses ( as advised by my father) i will also learn about investing in companies, become a broker, and keep myself updated about economy.
huh, i have a lot more to write, enough till here i guess...
i know, these are all just a planning, nothing unless it's translated into a form of observable result.
'easier said than done, faris..'
'action speaks louder than sound, faris..' - i know, you dont have to tell me this..:(
but i always hold the principle somewhere i learned in chess games.
' it is always better to have a bad plan rather than not having any plan at all'
inshahAllah, i believe GOD is with me in this journey,
He will definitely help.