September 28, 2010

Allah The Almighty

I do not know how these feelings work.

'but i do feel secured, to know that, the ONE, that creates me to this world, would always be with me all the time. In times of intense depression, as well as great happiness, HE would always assist me with what ever i am doing. When the situation comes to worst, when all the luck go against you, when nobody could come to help, when only miracles would change, you can always go and seek help from HIM. HE will always be there, to help you, HIS greatest creation. Don't you feel you are constantly secured by this one immense superpower?'

I must be grateful, to be born as a human, living in a system, where I have a GOD to worship. To trust in. I can't live on this world alone. Without you. I am lifeless.

Trust in HIM.
HE knows , what you don't .

' Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only GOD can count the apples in a seed.'

September 25, 2010

Fail to Plan = Plan to Fail

sometimes i think, i have to change the description of this blog,
from ' justifying complexity of humanity'
to ' justifying complexity of me !'

As i have anticipated, it's been 3 months, here in college,
and i am not enjoying my life here..
two things initially crossed my mind during the first time i received the offer letter,
1) will i be able to create the 'artificial passion' in medicine by deceiving my mind?
2) could this be a start to an endless pain and form the seed of a devastating mind-torturing life?

i gambled and took the risk..
and again, i have to admit, the second one does occur, right now.

i have been asking people...
why do you want to be a doctor?
what creates your passion?
do you know how hard the job as a doctor is?

most answered this ' i want to help people..'

when asked about their plans....
what do you want to do next?
what is your highest target in the field of medicine?
what impact do you want to bring to the society?
to the world?

most answered ' err..i dont know, but somehow, later, i'll know'

trust me, you wont go anywhere...
i know i am nothing, nothing i have to tell their future..
but, i know, you wont go anywhere, if that's only your plans...
if mediocrity is what you want, then that might be enough..

' stay away from people who keeps complaining and lamenting, for their disease is contagious'

i am not lamenting, but i just want to have a proper plan, a definite one so that i can formulate my whole structure of pursuing my goals..

okay, i am not living up my dreams..and that's the root of all these problems..

now, at least for now, the fuel for me to move forward is..

1) i must believe that i am on my way to be one of the dwellers of paradise for i am restlessly studying , equip myself with sufficient knowledge which in turns will be used to help, cure, assist and treat people - i know this sound weird, but hey, if you can set target to go to UK, why cant you set target to go to heaven?

2) i must admit, killing my passion, my interest in engineering is nothing but a useless endeavor.
so, my plan is, i will prioritize in medicine, but at the same time, i will study about engineering whenever i have a chance. i know, as a future medical student, i will not have time to study anything else other than medical stuffs-but screw it, i believe in my mind, i believe in myself. I want to optimize the usage of my brain.

3) to love both, medicine and engineering, i must have a very big capacity of mind, to save billions of data and ability to control my self, in every single aspect of life, time management, stress handling and other things as well- so, i have made Ibnu Sina and Leonardo Da Vinci as my idols which i have to follow, they showed exceptional courage and determination in gaining knowledge.They are geniuses too !

4) i want to be a billionaire and set a company, build an empire of business, exporting and importing my own products, and let my children run the company when im old-uhh-..thinking of this makes me smiling XD- screw everything !! i cant get all these by practising medicine. okay, i'll venture into business through my involvement in research and development sector, which later, i'll produce a revolutionary breakthrough which can be marketed around the globe.

5) JIHAD- i was made to understand that JIHAD is not only by holding weapons and terrorize the innocents, but holding a pen to write about knowledge that we have gained is also a form of jihad. Big rewards to those who aspire to do this.

6) again, in regard to the matter of accumulating wealth, ( i really want to be rich one day- amen)
by admitting the fact that, a doctor wouldnt have time to care about their business ( setting up clinics is so boring !! plus the introduction of 1malaysia clinics saturates the market) i will somehow, find some time to go to places to invest in property, buying land and houses ( as advised by my father) i will also learn about investing in companies, become a broker, and keep myself updated about economy.

huh, i have a lot more to write, enough till here i guess...
i know, these are all just a planning, nothing unless it's translated into a form of observable result.

'easier said than done, faris..'
'action speaks louder than sound, faris..' - i know, you dont have to tell me this..:(

but i always hold the principle somewhere i learned in chess games.
' it is always better to have a bad plan rather than not having any plan at all'

inshahAllah, i believe GOD is with me in this journey,
He will definitely help.

god bless..

September 13, 2010

Dear Doctor

Dear DR.Q ,

You are the reason why i choose to practice medicine...
I could have chosen engineering course over medicine..
which is of my total interest,
to be my career,
but my astonishment and amazements towards you,
that made me changed my mind..
At times, i suffer..
but you give me the motivation..
and strength..
to move forward..
although that's just in my imagination..
One day.
I promise..
i will be wearing that white coat..
taking care of the patients.
delivering aids...
and everything...
that you did to me..
once i was lying there..
when it was the first time i met you...
you changed my life DR.

ps : to forget you is to forget myself..

September 6, 2010

Respectful Respond

' people who want figuratively to bite you, growl at you, pick on you and otherwise chop you down, are not rare. If you are not prepared for people like that, they can punch big holes in your confidence and make you feel completely defeated. You need a defense against the adult bully, the fellow who likes to throw his weight around.

This is one of the most excellent example of handling emotions....

' It was shortly after 5 p.m and the hotel was busy registering new guests.
The fellow ahead of me gave his name to the clerk in a commanding way.
The clerk said,
'Yes, sir, we have a single for you..'
' Single ?!' shouted the fellow, ' I ordered a double !. '
The clerk said very politely,
'Let me check, sir '.
He pulled the guest's reservation request from the file and said ,
' I'm sorry, sir. Your telegram specified a single. I'd be happy to put you in double room sir, if we had any available. But we simple have not.'
The irate guest said, 'I don't care what the h--- that piece of paper says. I want a double !'
Then he started in with ' do-you-know-who-i-am?' performance, followed with
'I'll have you fired. You'll see. I'll have you fired.'
As best he could under the verbal tornado, the young clerk interjected.
'Sir, we're terribly sorry, but we acted on your instructions'
Finally, the customer, really furious now, said,
' I wouldn't stay in the best suite in this hotel now that I know how badly it is managed,'
and stormed out..
I stepped up to the desk, thinking the clerk, who had taken one of the worst rebuffs I had seen for some time, would be upset. Instead, he greeted me with a pleasant ' Good evening, sir'
As he went through the routine of arranging my room, I said to him,
' I admire the way you handled yourself a moment ago. You have tremendous control over your temper.'
' Well, sir,' he said.
' I really can't get mad at that fellow like that. You see, he really isn't mad at me. I was just the scapegoat. The poor fellow may be in bad trouble with his wife, or his business may be off, or maybe he feels inferior, and this was his golden chance to get something out of his system.'
The clerk added, ' Underneath he's probably a very nice guy. Most folks are.'
walking towards the lift. I caught myself repeating aloud,

'Underneath he's probably a very nice guy. Most folks are...'

Remember those two short sentences next time someone declares war on you. Hold your fire. The way to win is to let other blow his top, and then forget it..'

taken from 'The Magic Of Thinking Big'

huh, that isn't hard isn't it?

god bless

Loath to Love


i have been undergoing a very meaningful life...
since i know you...
you add something in my life...
that i didn't realize i have lost it..
until i met you...
you introduced me to love...
get me to know about it...
and honestly, i didn't regret any single second..
i spent with you...
each and every a day of mystery..
for me to explore new things..
about you...
now i know...
what others have been saying...
about the magical and magnificent..
power of love...
which i strongly being skeptical about it in the past..
you taught me about this..
although i tried to hold my principle.
but i have to admit..that this time...
i failed...

Love is great...nothing can compare...

it also brings misery and pain..
you also taught me about this...
something that i overlooked..
as i was swayed away by you...
and now i realize...
i shouldn't be like this...
i cant continue this way..
this is just not me..

the time has come for me..
to get out from this enticing dream..
and go back to my old world...
my old place...
a place only for people like me..
maybe some time in the future...
i will regret and eat my words back...
and become a firm believer of love..
but the truth is..
now is not the time..
i am still waiting for the time...

i just want you to know that..
i have feelings for you...
and i like you...
and ...
i love you , my friend...

thank you my friend..
i have done everything i could..
as a sign to thank you...
and i think, i have done it enough....

PS : i think i would have betrayed to my parents, if i ever say 'i love you' in front of you..
although i really want to do it..and almost did it..
Luckily, it didn't happen...
and i hope...
it will never happen...