My Dad

Hi ! :D

Lets just 'have a break' from all the laments that i've been throwing at this blog, there's really nothing much i can do about them, it sticks to me just as the words stick to this blog. now i think, there's a need to share something about my dad, something special to me, also this post serves to appreciate him for his outstanding patience. i don't know where's the limit for his tolerance. i've been complaining, lamenting for a time that only God knows, but surprisingly, he never gets mad, something that i didn't expect.

first of all, lets start when i was young. mhmmm...

i used to sleeping beside him during my primary school years, and every time i needed to wake up to go to school, i always hoped that i'd quickly grow older as i could continue sleeping, just like he did. hihi. but the best part that i remember till today was the time when i asked him for money:

'bah, nak duit?'

with subconscious tone, 'carilah syiling dalam kopi tu'

a kopi is actually a small container, until know, i don't know why it's called with that name :(

and i would then had to search out of all the 1 cents coins in that kopi to find for shiny, white 10 cent or 50 cent coins, he would asked me whether it was enough or not, usually, enough equals to rm 1, but even if it wasn't, i would say it was, as not to disturb him sleeping, or else he needed to get to his wallet.

actually, i knew he hoped that by doing this, i could learn how to spend my money wisely and yeah, it worked. i don't mind eating cheap food although others might have bought something more delicate. but my mom is the opposite. and somehow, that precious habit failed to continue. blame my mom for thatt. :/

and, when i was about to go to school, putting on my shoes, he would asked me,

'ayeh nak minum apa?'

he would make a glass of Milo and put it beside my bag and that glass must be emptied before i leave. although most of the time i felt reluctant to drink, but i just have to. he REALLLY puts great concern when it comes to eating healthy diet.

he used to say,

'nasi ni sebenarnya racun putih'

'nasi ni ubat tidur paling hebat'

he doesn't like us to eat rice actually and he did buy some brown rice to replace the white rice. he said it's a whole lot better. but we, somehow thought that it didn't suit our taste. :(

now he is making the high 5 wholemeal bread as his main meal. he suggested that so strongly to me and his repeated claim would be this bread was the type of meal that the Romans had before they went to war. he also showed the nutritional content at the back of that plastic. heh.

since young i have been given with quite a lot of motivational books and the stories of successful people by him. he always said that

' ayeh, ada masa depan yang sangat cerah, kalau ikut cakap abah..'

he likes knowledge. he read a lot of books on so many subjects. mostly about shares and stock exchange, medicine, and simple mechanics. his room is filled with books actually. he's so much engrossed with stock exchange and property matters. he worked as a bank executive at Bank Bumiputra London branch. he was in charge of approving loans. maybe that's where he gets the interests with these things.

he had his great time. he told me that his total assets once worth rm 2.5 million with almost rm 1 million in liquid cash. he bought a lot of houses and lands. but (this is personally from what i think) he went too far, and too ambitious, he resigned and opened up a business. he told me that, due to economic recession and some troubles with his business partner, the business couldn't survive and he was largely in debt. he also told me that there were some of his friends who committed suicide. he himself was actually unable to even predict how life's going to be like, with only 10 years of salary and huge debts, with you are now jobless, with a wife and kids to support, that could just severely affect your emotion. it was just too hard, for anyone to handle. but he told me that this was the thing that gave him strength,

' semua yang kita ada nih, milik Allah, so, bila dia nak ambik balik, takpelah, memang hak dia'

i almost dropped some tears when i heard this, but i think he succeeded. he said, invest in property, that's the safest and most rewarding. he even admitted that it's due to the houses that he bought before that actually been supporting us, family.

and that's where my interest in property and stock exchange grow.

all in all, he is indeed a great father to me. his spirit, his knowledge, his patience, these have all inspired me so that some day, i could pay back his hard work in raising us. although now it looked a bit uncertain, but if i keep the values close to me, i believe what ever circumstances we are in, we will able to go through and god willing, i really want to make him proud again.

'with God closely watching over you, don't you think he won't offer any help?'

this post might be irrelevant. but who cares right?

Doctoring the world.

for the past 1 year and 3 months, i had been thinking about the reason why i should become a doctor. i must admit the fact that, i am a type of person who will always do something based on a reason. i must know what am i doing and why am i doing it. or else, i couldn't deliver my best. my mind just feel reluctant to do it.

and, it was a disaster when you are in a conflict where you cant decide what's to become of you. you simply listen to others, and let them make decision for you, for your life that you'll go through.

it's undeniable that advice from the old ones should be taken into consideration whenever we want to make an important decision. but, truth be told, we are the ones that know ourselves better. and we are the ones who gonna face every bit of consequences that might come

and i just simply can't deny my extreme passion for engineering. and what is it so hard to get out of my mind? because every single thing that is see, the principles of physics that it uses, make me wonder and it just, beyond my control, strengthen itself. the desire.

and therefore, to prevent my academic performance from declining, i must find a reason on the need for me to be a doctor, as this could be the 'battery' to my life, to continue sailing through this devilish IB life. and i admit, it was not strong enough. often times, i failed to deliver. completely incompetent compared to the rest.

and suddenly my mind came out with the idea of 'doctoring the world' in which i'll elaborate in the next postings. i'm running out of time at the moment. :(

god bless you. :D

Hey!

it has been quite a while since i last updated this blog. Assignments, tasks, exams, ielts and so many other things have kept me away from doing my used-to-be a hobby, which was writing.

well, it's been a very tiring year, a year that tested me to the limits, where i was forced to confront with challenges in which i undeniably failed to handle some of them.

and also, more than a year has passed since i started doing this program, and until now, i'm not sure how to answer if there's anybody asking me as to my life here has been worthwhile or not.

you know, sometimes thoughts that have been consolidated with belief are difficult to be erased. i kid you not. this happens to me. never a moment i missed the chance of thinking how my future gonna look like. a doctor. an engineer. a clerk. a useless citizen. an inventor. a politician.

some people have so many times told me, that, don't think much about the future, or else you gonna end up suffering miserable regrets.

idk, but my readings, in each motivational book have said otherwise. it we construct our plan, to achieve our dreams, so minutely, putting every possibility counted, i don't think it would turn to be different than what we forecast. yeah, it might twist a little, but at the end, we know, with full confidence that it'll be a success. just like we planned.

right now, to at least, make things move. i stick to the religious point of view, whereby it says about GOD's plan to every humans which is better and the result of it will always gonna be beyond human thoughts. i believe in that. i must believe in that.

and as for my updates in KMB.

1) alhamdulillah, my pointer went up 4 points (although i initially targeted 8 points) hehe. it should be easy for me to produce point jumps as my previous point was 30. which might be considered-out-of-the-norm if i were to record below this point for my second sem. Four subjects improved and the best of all would be biology which went up 2 points from 5 to 7. i feel relieved to at least satisfied (although she might be the one helping me) my biology teacher, as she had been very concerned and attentive toward my problem. she did regularly update my progress for my application of changing my course. she even offered me various solutions, which i deeply appreciate. thanks teacher. your the kindest.

2) placement: looking at my performance, my results, my participation, teacher's perception, i decided that i'm not good enough to aim high, and compete with those really dedicated people. i knew i was incompetent. so, i chose twinning program as my first choice. A part from that, i know, me having chosen medicine, have something related to my mom. emotionally. so, i guess it would be probably much better if she could see me, being a medical student earlier, as i'll be doing my clinical years at PMC, Penang. i just wanna let her see me, wearing a white coat, proudly declare myself as a medical student. maybe if i'm doing full course overseas, this might not happen. yeah, at least what have i been complaining to her have come to a very satisfying end.

3) interviews. i knew, if i couldn't depend on my result, i should perform in the interview as this gonna be the deciding factor for my placement. but as i have put twinning program as my first, i didn't really feel the need to perform and therefore i did little preparation. this is saddening. i knew this should not happen, but my body refused to listen as my mind had silently, lost hope.

4)ielts. i scored 7.5 in the overall and also the same score for all components except writing which i got 7.0. honestly, there was a night that i couldn't sleep as i feared failing this test. and it happened after i took the test. i seated directly in front of the speaker but the volume was too loud, i wasn't able to recognize the meaning and it scared me to death thinking about my listening result. at last, thanks to Allah, i passed. :)

5) posts. while in KMB, i'd been selected to hold a few posts which are the badminton club's president, english club's commitee, and head of external bureau for guidance and counselling club. honestly, i would say that i failed so terribly in delivering my responsibilities in all those three posts. 'jangan bagi orang bermasalah pegang jawatan, dia kena setel masalah dia sendiri dulu'- this would be my answer. but i have improved, trust me, i'm ready to hold responsibility right now. am sorry if it's too late already.

6) academic day : my parents were called to attend this session in the last semester. A letter was sent to them, telling that they MUST come to college. at first, i didn't quickly put the blame on me, as i know, i had not studied well, and was actually aiming to get out from medicine with a solid reason that my i couldn't perform. all the teachers agreed that i must take immediate action on this, and just make a clear decision as to continue or to stop. truth be told, i was stuck and indecisive at that moment. and that led to more terrible outcomes. and i thought i definitely have to improve. in the second sem, in fact i did, but i failed my maths. i just needed 5 for maths to get into the honor roll's but yeah, everything happens for a reason. and one of the reason is, my parents gonna be called for the second time. SIGHS.

7) very recently, i'd received a response from MARA. telling me that i can pursue my studies in engineering with one condition. i can only study locally and not anywhere outside the country. if i were to be brave enough, if i were to emulate edison's, and einstein's path, and other great scientists' story, i'd choose to go for it. but, the stakes are high and i'm putting my future at risk, with unpredictable economic condition, i decided to stick at this. medicine.

and so, the question of why should never been raised again. that's what i keep telling myself. now i should ask 'how' to build my interest in this. and alhamdulilah, after watching videos about weird diseases, listened to many stories about diseases, added with my own observation on this, have slowly built my enthusiasm. although not as strong as the old one, but it's still something precious. it's at its embryonic stage right now. and i'll nurture this interest until, i reach the ultimate obsession, which almost certainly, needs a divine touch. :)

Amazing Acheh

i intend to write a long post regarding my visit to acheh. but time doesn't not allow me. plus, i'm having tonnes of workloads to be done. please disregard the fact that i'm just 24 hour away from entering kmb. where im gonna start my sem 3, the extract or the fillings of the International Baccalaureate which gonna be totally filled with assignments, deadlines, and more worksss.

my visit to acheh actually have somehow, changed my perception towards people. at first, it's my common belief, that people don't succeed in their life, because they don't struggle and might not even give a damn about the future. Apparently, this doesn't apply to all. There are people whose their mind have been occupied with the thoughts about how they gonna their meals for tomorrow. they don't care about the future, because right now, to be able to live for today is already a success for them. living day by day, is a success. yeah.

i visited the orphanage where it hosted more than 60 children ranging from 8 years old to 16 years old. one remarkable thing i discovered during my visit there was, their high goals they've set to achieve in their lives.

i once asked a child about his dreams.

me : kamu nanti bila besar, apa kamu mahu jadi?

him: mr president.

me: wow, itu bagus bangat. kamu tahu bagaimana menggapainya?

him; enggak.

well, it doesn't matter whether he does or does not know how to achieve his goal provided that, they're not exposed to any kind of entertainment or news, only school books, i guess. It's heart-breaking to learn that, these kids do not have televisions, or any source of interaction that they can use to see the what's happening on the outer world. after they got back from school, they'll just sleep till Asr. and pray and suring the night, they'll prepare for some Quran reciting.

I see these kids really have potentials that yet to be developed. they possess enthusiasm, and at any time ready to learn. they're honest and kind.

simply put, they're people who have been chosen by GOD to receive this test. and i believe, with all my heart, that they gonna succeed in enduring this challenging test and receive their rewards oin the heaven. InshahAllah.

' because this is my life, do whatever you want, you know, if you do good things, you'll get the rewards, but if you do the bad things, the effects would be just the same to you. So, be wise faris, life offers so many things that you never want, it's just the way it happens, just like when you're watching a movie, there're times that you'll feel sad, angry, happy, and you know, there'll be an ending to this story. How would you feel watching your own life's drama?, and have your own words about it? just like the time when you walk out of the cinema? So, treasure every moments that you have, and use everything to the best you could, because you'll never know, when's the last time that you never gonna use it again. all you knew, what you felt, all turned into history at that time. Will you tell to yourself, ' yes, i did' when asked about 'Do you ever wasted the golden chance to live?' Don't let worries and disappointments disturb you, for these things are unavoidable. it's part of the thing called LIFE. '

faris, i don't want you to suffer, don't.

there're so many things to know, to discover,

without these, life is nothing but a dreadful journey.

instead, think positively and always believe that you can.

just dive into the sea of uncertainty and unpredictability,

with high hopes and dreams,

with the blazing spirit to succeed,

and life's gonna be easy.

so again, take a good care of yourself and have faith.

a better tomorrow will come.

with faith and courage, everything's gonna fall into place.

you just have to believe this.

good luck.

let's start this journey.

a message from the inner you.

reason to love

Once a lady when having a conversation with her man, asked:

Lady: Why do you like me? Why do you love me?

Man: I can't tell the reason, but I really like you.

Lady: You can't even tell me the reason? how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Man: I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's husband can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man: Ok. ok! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movement.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man's answer.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma.

The man then placed a letter by her side, here is the content:

Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you...Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you...Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, There is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO! Therefore, I still LOVE YOU...

"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'

'Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays...'

a lot of damage had been done,

and to make it worst,

the sense of urgency,

to change,

somehow, did not appear,

that makes me feel 'innocent',

doing these things that i would,

condemn so much,

if other people were doing it.

but i believe,

GOD wont put you any burden, if you cant withstand the load.

and i believe,

when my goals are starting to appear clearer,

the intense thoughts about you, will fade away,

i hope it's for the better ..

soon, my goals will take over my mind ..

and i will let it take control of my body ...

so that i can take control of my life ..

god bless :)